Solitary Confinement

This is not forced
This is not two prison guards carrying me away
because I shanked my inmate
This is Cast Away on purpose, No Wilson
This is a hot date with my soul
and she's looking gorgeous tonight

This is getting weird looks
This is saying "maybe next time" repeatedly
This is finding out who cares
and not caring who doesn't
This is Beyonce after Destiny's Child
Justin after N Sync

This is leaving the Justice League
This is riding roller coasters while listening to an ipod
This is packing notebooks full of emotions
This is celebrating a promotion with a cup of tea
This is not letting a breakup own me

This is taking the scenic route
This is finding a record player
This is the thirst at an all time high
This is wishing my parents never threw away
that teddy bear
This is rebirth and cutting my own umbilical
This is not taking medicine
and sweating out the sickness

This is not just a 9 to 5
This is midnight to 11:59
This is a haircut every two weeks
workouts four times a week
and cooking on sundays

This is detox

This is releasing the butterflies
This is Instagram pics with no tags
This is not relying on alcohol
This is abstinence
This is every waitress feeling curious
This is purgatory between being a hero and a villian

This is going to bed at a decent hour
This is continually being in a room full of strangers
This is Kobe taking over, No assists
This is LeBron in Cleveland
This is Bedside Baptist
This is not receiving advice
This is still being nice enough to say hello

This is saving money
This is reading books
This is going back to school
This is not being homesick
This is letting my phone die
This is discipline
This is routine and organization

This is not social network

This is not loneliness

This is self inflicted exile

This is putting on muscle spiritually
This is toasts to empty chairs
This is a serenade by own breaths

This is not for you

This is knowing God
This is prayer
This is letting go
This is who I am

This is freedom

This is life

For now...

Tricky Thing

Time is a tricky thing
A wicked commodity
A free bird
Always been a factor with us right?

Like seeing Harry Potter at the theaters?
Or exchanging gifts for Christmas?
Or our first date and we talked about
when we first met?

Now that's a story too

Guy sees girl at a bar
Guy thinks girl is gorgeous but is too scared
because of guys surrounding her
The night goes on and suddenly
guy and girl are intertwined in conversation
More like a roast
of the world around them

An uncanny connection
An undeniable feeling
Living proof that
simultaneous heartbeats
do exist

Until a decision would be made
that severed the transmission
between the radios
that were playing each other's
favorite love song

Since then
Gods have been acknowledged
homes have been packed and moved
and children have been created and given
a chance to dance in the sun
And now we're here
reconnected like lego pieces
trying to rebuild something
there's no instructions for

But the one thing that's constant
is that time is a tricky thing
Sometimes I know things would've been different
if we both listened to the serenity
that was the open sea of our souls
instead of the crashing waves
on the sandy beaches in our brains

What's unknown is the amount of bliss
pouring from our pores
if different songs were sung
We cant waste any more
of the most important resource known to man
than we already have

So let's just be
and just build
Til skyscrapers turn into anthills
Til clouds become our beds
and stars are our next door neighbors
Til Heaven is that apartment
that lives above us
blasting great music
and smelling of amazing cooking

I wish I could tell you how the story ends
I can't
All I can conclude is that
time
life
and love
are all very tricky things

Goodnight Moon

A mantra embedded
into my memory system
since I was 4
This is probably the reason
I'm a night owl

Perhaps I still want to be the bear in that book

Curious as to how
moonlight illuminates a human's interior
clueless as to how
a mass so large doesn't speak
content with how although
its seems like it stays in the same place
it still creepily follows people around

I stay awake past 3am on most nights
not to party
(although I do)
not to drink
(although I do)
not to somehow stumble into
some sexual exchanging of gifts
(although I do)
not to write so I can keep from
crying, laughing and/or
pissing on myself
whether separately or simultaneously
(although I do)

I stay awake most nights
because I think that little boy
that used to
watch Eureka's Castle
get sick from eating too many gummi bears
and dunk better than Jordan
on his Fisher Price basketball court
still lives behind my ribcage

and he would very much love to tuck the moon in

Crash

The lights smash into my face
like the sound of a drummer
putting drumsticks to cymbals
They dance to the music more
than the people here
But not more than me

I'm getting loose
no embarrassment
no worry
no mercy
no shame
probably because of the liquid courage
poured into my membrane

Crash

Reading words on a tiny screen
can have that effect on you
can't it?

Of course it can
especially if they're the words
from a love once recently lost
So it made sense for me to halt
my moves on the dance floor
when I read:
"I miss you"
"I need you"
"I still love you"
"Come see me"

Nevermind who's ride I was
Nevermind leaving my roommate's
annual celebration of birth
Nevermind intoxication
however small it might have been

My mission was a go
and so was my green light
but not his

Crash

Lights flash into my face again
only there's just red, blue, and white streaks
dancing to the sounds of sirens
When you wake up in your vehicle
sitting on a shattered sunroof
feet projecting out of a windshield
how exactly are you supposed to feel?

Me?

I felt like I was
several beams of light
that were dancing with the devil

Not from the wreck
but because I was holding on
to love unwanted

Crash

What an epiphany that is

2012 Loser Slam Finals

Hello people!

Sorry I've been a little distant for the past couple of months... I've been kinda busy getting prepared for this competition that was kinda important... But it's all done now the smoke has cleared and it's onto the next chapter... May 9th 2012 will be a night I always remember... I participated in my 1st Finals Slam competition and placed 2nd!!! I'm excited because of a bunch of things... I kinda flubbed in the 1st round and thought I blew my chances but in the next two rounds I redeemed myself to be named 1st Runner-Up... Also, and most importantly... I'M GOING TO THE NATIONAL POETRY SLAM!!!! Being that I placed within the top 4 of poets competing, I'm on the Loser Slam national team and will be representing NJ in the NPS in Charlotte, NC on Aug. 6th-11th.... COMPLETELY STOKED!!! All the hard work has paid off like you wouldn't believe... This summer is going to be epic... and you guys are definitely welcome to tag along for the ride.... Until things get jump-started here's videos of my performances that put me in the position I'm in... Enjoy!

"Why We Sing" (Round 1)

"Pass Me Not" (Round 2)

"Thank Ya Kindly, Papermate" (Final Round)

Why We Sing

We are human

We were created to do this
We own vocal chords &
possess the ability to make noise
We learned our ABCs that way

We blew bubbles in our chocolate milk,
jumped in Mommy's bed after she made it,
and ate our own boogers
We were children

We are young & old
and somewhere in between


We were born to Songs In The Key of Life
lived through Songs In A Minor
& we die to hymnals & prayers

We have memories

We need to continue legacies

We smile
We laugh
We are horrible at this
We are amused by how horrible we are at this

We are angry
We have at least 3 people
from our jobs
that we feel
need to die
We must get rid of this murderous feeling
We need to keep from screaming

We want someone to hear us

We know no one is listening

We want to be loved
We love others
We love curse words and crude conversations
We love love
We love hate
We hate
We hate
We hate guys & girls
We surely hate you

We hate ourselves

We can't see the tears coming down our eyes
so we gotta let the song cry
We are not Jay-Z
We cannot rap

We are guilty
We are heartbroken
We are orphans
We are pregnant & married
Single & divorce
We are back in love again

We are sneaky seductive sexpots
who know exactly what to do
with you in the palm of our hand

We want to impress

We want to express

We dance write drink eat
We are content angelic spirits
We wish to one day see our deity

We burn beats
bruise rhythms
itch lyrics
scratch harmonies
bleed melodies
and cry in chords

We are music

As I said
We are human

We breathe
We live
We are alive

and most importantly

We shower
(at least I do)
because man oh man
do we sound
acoustically amazing there

Deafening Existence

"Your life is never quiet"

That's what one of my "big sisters"
told me after I gave her a brief rundown
of all the things that's occurred
within the past month
of us not speaking

"It's been a doozy, sis"

I wasn't lying when I said that

It's been a month full of circus antics
Count 'em all
7/7s, 6 overdraft fees
only 5 days of pure peace
4 new phone numbers obtained and deleted
3 hearts broken (including my own)
2 close calls that could've landed me in prison
and 1 night of prayer
and I still have 0 answers

I just want my life to be quiet again

I've been trying to think of the last time
I danced to silence

My mom tells people I was a good baby
I didn't wake her
in the middle of the night with screams
I was a "happy baby"
in her eyes
and everyone else's apparently

Through adolescence & puberty
things stayed pretty mute for me
for the most part
I wanna say it was senior year
of high school when I first
embraced my loud

"To all you b***ches
that didn't want to give me the TIME OF DAY
WHEN I WAS HALFWAY TO OBESE:

SCREW YOU!
OH NOW I'M SEXY?!?!?
KILL YOSELF!"

From then on
I was as loud as the
parties and clubs
I lived in
"CAN I GET A LONG ISLAND?? A LONG ISLAND!!!
A... A L.I.T.!?!? OH NOW YOU HEAR ME!"

Still shouting
even in my poetry
My haiku (as rare as they come)
ring like middle school fire alarms
for example:

GOD IS LOVE, IF TRUE
NO WONDER YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
BE A ONE NIGHT STAND

I WISH I COULD TAKE THE HAND
OFF THE TRIGGER OF THE MEGAPHONE
IN MY SOUL
I DON'T WANT TO BE LITTLE GIRLS
SCREAMING ON THAT ONE RIDE
IN THE AMUSEMENT PARK
I DON'T WANT MY LIFE
TO BE GUNSHOTS AND JET ENGINES
I WANT MY EXISTENCE
to be the moment you see
a firework burst
before you hear
the bang

It's time to be meek
I have to be quiet
My life must become a whisper

Is there any way
I can change my name
to "prayer"?