Why Did He Give Me Keys?

This poem was written 2 & a half years ago... It was for an assignment I had in a poetry workshop... The group of us were all sitting in desk arranged in this huge circle. The professor asked us to take out one random item (whether it be from a bag, pocket, purse, etc.) and give it to the student sitting across from us. Whatever was on your desk, you had to write a poem about it, or include it in a poem. I gave someone a Miami Heat hat I had on that day. A guy sitting across from me gave me a karabiner with keys on it. Ironically (considering my accident and all the drama afterward), I came up with this:


Why Did He Give Me Keys?

I asked for them myself
A karabiner is given
And it’s destined for death
Because of what’s on my breath

It’s a lethal mistake
We’re in a place where
Walls spin counterclockwise, where
Eyes are either wide or shut, where
Vibrations of the earth are not made
from moving plates, but rather from
the sweet escape musical notes will
take one to.

A screamed announcement
Starts the stumbling stampede
And you hand me the keys to my Hyundai
Thank you for everything
My funeral’s on Monday

Demoted

Last week
I got demoted
From my position
Of power
Back to just
A mere associate

When I received the notice
I acted like I didn't already notice
What was bound to happen
Considering the conversations I had
With the manager
In her office

Not only cause of lack of focus
I lost this opportunity
Because of my maturity
Apparently since I'm carefree
From time to time
And I allow
wandering & questioning thoughts
& the opinions of peers
To cross my mind
I'm
Considered guilty
For innocently
Committing a crime

My job
Was to lead
But I didn't succeed
I didn't supply
Enough effort
To meet
The demands
The wants
The needs
Of what was
Required of me

I'm a great worker
An excellent person
But if she can't see that
What's it worth then?

Is it worth me staying?
Knowing I've got the potential
To be playing
The position
I need to be
But because of my "inadequacies"
Its now a place I'll never reach
A setting I'll never see
Especially
Since somebody has already
Filled out their application
Been interviewed twice
And has been hired
To replace me

As much as I don't want to believe
That this is the end for me
It's devastating not meeting
A goal
You've been patiently waiting for
However,
It is only an occupation
& amidst all the frustration
There will be soon a time of elation

Til then I'm saying
All I wanted to do was
To excel at my duties
To love
Appreciate
& Motivate you
Truthfully

I know this might be debated
But I may ask to be terminated
Because I don't know how long I can take this

This feeling of being demoted
From the position of power
That I was 1st promoted
From being your love, your man
To now being
just a mere associate

I Don't Know (Spread Love)

I'm stuck in this place
& as the water
In my hands
Is splashed across my face

I look up
And my eyes
Fixate
On his face

I ask him

"What do I write about?"

My reflection replies

"I don't know"

This is the constant conversation
That occurs anytime
I'm pressed with the pressure
To write what feels right

To shine a light
Within the dark void
That's in my brain

Its a shame
That 85% of my poems
Start out as

"I don't know"

3 years into this life
And I'm still trying
To find
My poet/speaker's
identity

Its integrity

Its spirit

Its soul

But all that comes out
Is

"I don't know"

I wanna be able to talk about anything
I wanna be able to talk about everything
I wanna write about the struggle my people go through
I wanna write about religion and different brainwashing methods made to control you
I wanna say a deep metaphor like sayin
when clowns juggle its the same thing you do
With ya life's situations
I wanna write about this country's stupid stipulations
and flaws in its laws
I wanna write about hate
I wanna write something that causes debate
Something that'll make you have to slow ya brain's intake
Like "hold up, wait....
UGH! That's sick!"

I wanna write realness
Raise awareness
Reach higher than the airwaves
All while freeing the slaves
That are the minds of today

But all I know how to write exquisitely about

Is love

Trust I know it doesn't sound like much
But its ironic cause
People wouldn't have to write about pain & frustrations and such
If there was more love in the world
To eradicate and erase that stuff

Its tough but once my face is dried
And I leave my reflection aside
I look
To where my pride resides
& Pull out any love that a blackberry
Can hold in its insides

I pray to the Most High with my
Head bowed & closed eyes
And before my thumbs can caress
letters to form words
A voice is heard

It speaks two words

From above

In a whisper it says

"Spread Love"

Write About Me

I hate it when girls
Ask me

"Can you
write something about me
Please?"

"Will you
scribble something you feel
In pertaining to me?

"Would you
recite something you think
In reference to me?"

Inspiration isn't forced
Its given
So its highly difficult
To be driven
With a thought for a poem
That's not premeditated or
"Pre-Written"

But I'll do it anyway
Regardless of what you say
I'll never be able to live up
To what is wanted
any day

What do you want me to say?

You want me to talk about you
Ok I got that boo
But what's deeper than just you

You want the truth?

That I may miss you
That I sometimes reminisce
Kissing you
Talking to you
Holding you
Walking with you

Or can you not handle that?

Would you rather I say this?

That you were stupid
That I wish I was never hit
Smack dab in the middle
Of my emotions
With an arrow
Sent from cupid
That you missed out
On the illest kid
Known on the planet

Or something different?

Like how you're a good friend
Like how although I'm not attracted to you
but I love your smooth skin
Like how you send
My face a grin
And the ends
Of my mouth
Then suspend
In opposite directions
Like how I couldn't resist you then
can't resist you now
And probably never will again

How bout this?
You are a woman of resilience
Persistance
A woman of resistance
And dominance

A woman of trust
A woman of lust
A woman made of the stuff
Of legend
A heroine

A woman so special
I'd rewind time
So then
You could be somehow mine
Again

Does this suffice?
Was I right?
Did this poem do everything & more
Than what you might
Have thought before?

I hope so
If not
My b
But try & do this favor for me

Put yourself in my shoes please
try to solve a simple complexity
And

Write About Me

Beasts

Man My head hurts
I can barely breathe
My glasses are always fogging up
So I can't see
I'm shaking uncontrollably
I'm sweating profusely
And the thing that's funny
Its only Tuesday

This occurs
on a day to day basis
My face is
constantly changing
Showing all the emotions
That are racing
From my brain
And my heart
To the surface

It hurts to be like this
Uncontrollable
Irresponsible
Irrational
Unpredictable
Unthinkable

I keep these beasts
Locked away
So that at least
Nobody will have to die today

This is not who I am

Until the liquid courage
Is poured into my system
Causing the bars
Of the cage holding my emotions
To melt into a pile of porridge

These are not your average monsters

Armed to the teeth
With wings and claws
They tower over me
Power over me

Now set loose,
My thoughts
My heart
My soul
My love
My hurt
My truth
Run rapidly

Dropping incoherent
Yet intelligent
Bombs on
All terrorists
trying to use fear as weapon
All important polticians
using their influence
as a means to be sefish
& all innocent bystanders
that happen to be
at the wrong place
And the wrong time

In due time the beasts tire
Go weary and go back into their cage
Awaiting with rage
For the book titled
"Dates of Releasing"
To turn to the next blank page

So that there's a new entry
What they don't realize
Is my plan of genocide. See,
although my emotions make me,
they brake me

So these beasts must not be released
Not without proper supervision at least
They must then be
Led back to the the cage
To be put to death
Daily

Only then

can I

save me

From me

Metaphorical Whore

You disgust me
With your selfishness
And no regards to the
Welfare or care
For the wealth
Of a human being

You are ugly
With your resilience
To constantly
Manipulate
The influence
And when, where, how
Even the very amount you allow
people to participate
In your life

Trife aint the word

You're a whore
Well
speaking metaphorically
You're a slut
Um
Not sexually
You're a b*tch
Ok maybe
I meant that literally
But I mean more so mentally

Close your legs
I mean
Open your mind
Stop giving others
A taste of the real you
Only for favors

Protect your body
I mean
Release your heart
Start by playing
An essential part
in someone's life
Other than yours

Watch your mouth
I mean
Search your soul
Don't grow old
Walking over everybody
Lending a helping hand

Because one can't
Continue to balance themselves
On the backs of man
By yourself
You will never stand

Understand I'm not
Trying to dishonor
Or degrade you
But the more
You continue
To be a metaphorical whore
The better the chance
There's someone out there
plotting their revenge
To rape you

I want to help you
Reverse your mental health
And I want show you
Your souls wealth
And most of all
I want to save you
From yourself

If this doesn't stop
There will be a homicide/suicide
1 death of 2 entities
But as I look at you
Staring back at me
I realize our eyes
Are locked on
The same thing
I'm staring at myself

Only my selfishness
Is for you to be here
All in
And yours
Is Just for everyone else to be
At your every
Beck & calling
Knowing that as soon
As they shove you
Off your pedastal
only I can catch you
And stop you
From falling

Detox

I don't want to be here
But I have to be
In order to save myself
I am here

You can still hear me
Days later
From when I was first being dragged
By my hands & feet
Kicking & screaming
Across the street
Into the car
Driven far into
The middle of nowhere
Until I ended up
Here

The reason why I'm here is
I still have the same hallucinations
That I'm ok
That my life's supposed to stay
This way
That she's supposed to be the one
That I'm supposed to
work here
Live there
And actually care
For other people's welfare

"It's hell here"
I've already got it in my head
That
To the world I must be dead

I'm going to rehab... yes
I can see it now
My body rejects the process
So I'm being held down
By the people that are only
trying to help
But my mind refuses them

The drugs are so potent
They got me wanting those same saviors to supply me with more
Of the thing that
Ablitterates my dreams & hopes
So in the needle goes
To sedate
And keep my mind & body straight

Standing outside the gates
My brain gets brusied
From the epiphany that hits
I've got to get this
Long extended list
Of Sick &
Twisted
Illnesses
Out my
System.
Its
Killing me
To care so much about
What happens
Around me
Without reciprocity

Detox is the process I need
To be rid of the intoxications
That slowly destroy me
The anger
The happiness
The frustration
The sadness
The jealousy
The gladness
The hate
The love
gotta leave

So excuse me
While I walk into
My destiny
To rearrange my life
So I can tell the difference
Of what's fantasy
And what's reality

Because honestly

This hiatus

Just might be

The thing to save

Me

You

And Us