No Tears

It's been quite some time now
And just....

Nothing...

No waterworks of any sort

Nothing

But the blank stare
of guilt
Shame
And disappointment

I wish it would just happen already...
I wish the plumber would just come
And fix the pipes within
my tear ducts because
that's what I'm used to

I'm used to freeing my emotions
in any and every circumstance

I am but a mere man
But I'm a man
Who cries
Forget pride
Forget shame

I cry

When I'm hurt
When I'm happy
When I'm angry
When I'm scared
When I pray
When I sleep
When I love

I cry

But not today

I'll be damned
if there's not a dam
built behind my retinas
because I feel like
a natural disaster
just waiting to happen

As if both the
Japan & Haiti earthquakes
are in each one
of my lungs
and my heart?

My heart is a flooded New Orleans

Only my levees stand strong
preventing any rivers
of pain and suffering
to reveal themselves

You know what?

Perhaps this means something
Could this mean that
The little boy that I was
Who was picked on growing up
Who cried about everything
Who's still living inside me to this day
Could he actually be gone now??

I don't know

Maybe there's no tears
because I'm guilty
What a filthy feeling
that is

Ok...

Writing that line down
just made me wanna
shed some pain out
So I'm ending this
to let Niagra Falls go now

Follow My Lead

He told my girl

"You know...
You need to stop following him around"

Regardless of the brickwalls of denial
she built to block his relentless attacks
And regardless of me being in the picture
Now mind you
This wasn't just any ol' picture

This was a timeless picture
A dope picture
A roller coaster picture
You know
One of those pictures that capture you
at the peak of your excitement
And when the ride's ended
you get to see the result and say
"Man that was fun...
We look so happy...
We need that picture..."

We both had copies of this image
imprinted into our hearts
We wore them like they
were ironed on t-shirts
So that everyone that saw us
knew what it was

Love

Still in spite of all this
He told her

"You know...
You should stop following him around"

Now obviously this was a guy
unafraid of stepping
Or damn near dancing
on another man's toes
Because who knows
how many other hoes
that persistent pressure
worked on

A hunter
A lion looking at my lady
like she's a gazelle
And I can tell why
I mean her personality is unmatched
She dresses incredibly fly
has gorgeous eyes
and her smile
Is something you'll die for

But although he saw what I see in her
It was the constant disrespect that
prompted me to want to
commit murder

And I'm pretty peaceful...

But I was ready to go to war
when she told me he said

"You know...
You need to stop following him around"

It never occurred to me
that dude might actually
be right
I never thought she
would actually listen to him
either

Here's the kicker:

She had reason to

I was standing still
or walking in place
if you will

"The Treadmill Effect"

Making the right movements
in order to progress forward
whether walking or running
but going absolutely nowhere
I used to have a lot going for me

Not anymore

So how could I blame her for thinking:

"You know...
You should stop following him"

When she left
she could've taken my potential with her
but because I hurt her
she became cruel
She tied it to a stick
which was then fixated to a collar around my neck
allowing my potential to dangle in front of me
out of my reach...

I didn't think I was THAT much of a dog...

But I guess that's what happens when you fall off
You lose life
You lose love
You lose purpose
You lose everything

Those lyrics still ring
in my eardrums

"Yes, I was burned
but I call it a Lesson Learned"

Because in turn
I've learned to never
leave your love
lagging behind you
Have them walk with you
If you really love someone
and want to be with them
you'll carry them
if you have to

Because even if you're going nowhere
for the moment
at least you can say
you have your love with you

So hold that slice of heaven down

Maybe then you won't have to worry about them
ever saying or thinking to themselves:

"You know...
You should probably stop following (him/her) around"

Ways That You Know It's Black History Month

1.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is completely omitted from conversation
"Well what about 'Martin Luther The King??"
"Uhhh... he had his day all to himself last month
F**** Him...
It's all about Malcolm X, Frederick Douglas, & Harriet Tubman now
You know.... the real niggas..."

2.
The token black guy brings his boy to the white frat party

and nobody says s***

"Oh that must be his cousin or something..."

3.
I make random obnoxious rap song adlibs in the middle of conversations with
customers at my job
or
with my parents
or
with pretty much anyone I come into contact with

4.
Interracial dating just ceases to exist
Bruthas dump their girls like they're bout to flush the toilet
and not because they're too cheap about Valentine's Day

Now that I think about it
I was in a interracial relationship once
and it was dope
Some of the most interesting fun and enlightening
times of my life
Too bad I broke her heart
Unfortunately for me
It's not only love that
knows no color

Lies & mistrust are colorblind too

5.
Rock N Roll music is forgotten
Only songs of Duke Ellington
Marian Anderson Louis Armstrong
Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday
are downloaded across the masses
this month

God forbid I blast some Fall Out Boy or Bloc Party
out the speaker in my car

Speaking of music during this month

(True story by the way)
I saw in ad in a catalog that read:
"Celebrate Black History Month with these great albums!!"

Luther Vandross.... "alright ok... He's Black"
Bob Marley... "Island boy... but ok... He's Black"
Beyonce... "HEY BOO!!... She's Black"
Bruno Mars... "Uhhhhhhhhhh"
Eminem... "Hmmmm... ok... He gets a pass"
Soulja Boy... "OH HELL NAW!"

6.
All of a sudden.... Niggas invented everything

Peanut Butter... Black man
Cell phone... Black man
The planet Jupiter... Black man
Freedom... Black man
America... Black man

7.
I can write "nigga" in a poem
and recite it multiple times
in a room where
the open mic audience is
77.3% white...

The host of said open mic
can come up and say whatever
racist remarks
he or she wants...

F***in Flavor Flav
can come walking out
(clock & all)
snatch the mic from me
call me an "Uncle Tom"
and walk off

and nobody get offended but me

Because after all...
It is February...

8.
I start drinking Hennessy

9.
I stop eating chicken...

Don't ask

10.
People start making random quotes out of nowhere...
Like "I have a dream" or
"By any means necessary" or
"I am somebody" or
"F*** the police" or
"Swag" or "Yolo"
or "I make Black History every day... I don't need a month"

11.
I get real sad
Coming to grips
that my people can't come together
the other 11 months out the year
for nothing other than
money music sports or fashion

Misplaced passions... if you will...

We were murdered
raped, whipped
stripped, lynched
hung, shot
demeaned, degraded
and segregated

Funny thing is
even after slavery
we're still doing these things
to ourselves...

12.
I grin...
Accepting the fact
that although I may not stereotypically average
I'm still Black
and I love it

I cherish that

Because in all honesty
It's who I am
not what I am
that makes
me

"Me"

Our Little Corner

Remember when we used to sit there?
Eyes gazing upon each other
Like we wished the other person
Was thinkin the exact same thing
We were

I wanna bet we were

I bet you were thinkin
"Where in the hell did I find this dude?"

Because I know I was thinkin
"How the hell did I come across this chick?

And she likes me?!

WHAT?!?!"

Our Little Corner

Remember when we used to eat there?

When I would order a hot tea with lemon & sugar
And you?
You would order a coffee
I remember how you liked ya coffee
You liked ya coffee the same way you liked ya men...

Regular...

I was like ya coffee...
Nothin major to me at all...
Simple...
Hot...
Soothing...
Comforting...
And of course
Black

Our Little Corner

Remember when we used to talk there?

The funny thing is
We both talked entirely too much
We both loved to interrupt each other
(As much as we hated to be interrupted)
And we both would watch each other's lips when we spoke

I guess we were hoping our lips would form the word "Love" at some point during our conversations

Maybe we thought if we hung onto our words we'd be strong enough to climb over the walls surrounding our hearts

An emotional workout if you will

Doing pull-ups while grabbing onto words like
"Like"
"Interesting"
"Cute"
"Funny"
"Smart"
"Heart"
"Ex"
"Fun"
"Hurt"
"Future"
"Furniture"
"Fail"
&
"Love"

& "love"

& "you"

Our Little Corner

Remember when we stopped goin there?

When things got serious
when parents were introduced
when truths were revealed
no longer concealed were the feelings
that were poured out from
our kettles we called
souls

but after a while
Doin' "the same ol same ol"
got old

Didn't it?

Only one of us knew
it was time to grow

Right?

Our Little corner

Is now... Non-existant...
Relatively vanished
Off the face of the earth
Because of love
and then
Because of disagreements

Because

Because
Of you
Ok... I lied...
Maybe not u...
Def because of me

I shouldn't have said what I said
Did what I did
Lied what I lied about
I shouldn't have dog muzzled myself
I shouldn't have let u go back to ya past
Even if it was for a weekend

I shouldve just loved you like you wanted me to
Like I wanted me to...

My little corner
Has been reborn
On account of dumb ass arguments
Over reactions
And retarded disagreements

I'm sitttin in what used to be our heaven
thinking "How did we come to this?"
Looking up but not seeing your eyes
Just an empty space of where an angel used to sit

You're just a memory now

Just an empty chair at a table in a coffeehouse

A love lost

A reminder that I was once a part
of a big something
that was so small

Called

"Our Little Corner"