Petals

I used to buy her flowers
Just because it was that particular day of the week
Just because her smile made me smile
and because I never did it with anyone else
Doubt she knew it
but it's true

Dying petals weren't my thing

I didn't see the point in buying beautiful bouquets
when after they'd die
they'd just be thrown away
But when you set the tone
for certain expectations in a relationship,
best believe you better remain consistent
Otherwise you'll start to look like a unicorn
with three heads
talking out the side of your neck of one
looking lost in the middle
and the last?
Oh he's sleep
He passed out when ya significant other asked
"Why don't you do what you did before anymore?"

Me?
I used to buy her flowers
but not the usual ones
Because I thought
a 1/2 dozen of essentials were better
food, gas, clothes, attention, time, love
Maybe I was wrong
Maybe I should've done more
But then again she kept taking each rose of
affection and transparency
one by one
and pulling off the petals of me
while chanting

"I love him, I love him not
I love him, I love him not
I love him, I love him.....
not...
I love...
I don't know..."

I stopped bringing her flowers after that
Unappreciated thorns kept getting stuck
in my palms from holding the stems too long

Was it wrong of me to ask her to pull them out?
Was she wrong for ignoring my pain
and not even handing me tweezers
to do it myself?
and at this point

Who cares?

No one does
and I'm an exclamation point away
from giving a fuck either
At the end of the day
this is my choice

"Should I bring her flowers?
One
Last
Time?"

That's not the question

Of course I should
The choice
The question
is what i'm bringing flowers for

Is this my proposal?
For us to go back to the beginning of forever
where flowers, chocolate, fun, and love
were enough

or

Is this a funeral?
Am I bringing a bouquet to a grave
where companionship lays six feet deep
underneath the shoveling of
selfishness, mistrust, and weakness?

Regardless of the reasoning
I must make sure
that whatever I bring
smells incredibly
and especially unforgettably
sweet